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Update and Apologies

My last post was 5 days ago. My Internet cable wire got snapped off 3 days ago and got fixed just now. The delay is due to the local festival here. I, of course, neglected making a post for 2 days before this happened. I signed up for postaday2011 and promised to post everyday. I am not sure if I am still in the challenge as this is my second big skip in the first two weeks alone. I will not stop posting because of this break. Come what may, my blog shall contain 365 posts by the end of year and I plan to track the numbers at the end of every month so that I can avoid the year-end rush. So, I would like to apologise for the break and try not make any gaps in the future.

I some times post from my mobile when I do not have access to Internet or when I do not have much time, but, for the last 5 days I have been feeling restless. I have a QWERTY keypad on my mobile and WordPress is the only mobile site I like to post large content on. Twitter is the other website, but I am just lazy to update it :). I only wish breaks like this never repeat. This is the update and apology.


My Perfection Seeking Mind

Practice makes man perfect.

I am man who believed that even ‘practice should be perfect’.

I was seeking perfection all the time. It was either I do it or I don’t. And when I’ve meant I am doing it, it shall be perfect. I felt that I was not facing any failure and I was happy about it. I was wrong at the same time. I had never known the taste of failure or simply put – when I faced failure I didn’t knew how to handle it. All that time I thought I was seeking perfection, but when I retrospect, I just tag it as the fear of failure. That is true, I masked ‘the fear of failure’ as seeking perfection.

During that time, I had the choice to decline something that came my way. I said ‘No’ when I was asked if I could go on the stage. I said ‘No’ to my friends when they asked me something. I kept on doing this for a long time. I didn’t think what would happen to me if I didn’t change this habit or if the choice is not going to be with me. Choices are never with us forever.

Slowly, I started to think why I said ‘No’ to that while someone, somewhere said ‘Yes’. I started to think, analyse and mentally prepare myself to say ‘Yes’ the next time I get that opportunity/question. Luckily, I had those questions asked again and again until a few of my friends took it for granted that I will not say ‘No’ to it. That wasn’t all. Gradually, I started to think twice before I say ‘No’ to anything. I’ll say to myself “give it a try”.

I have failed at times and got discouraged. Every time, I thought that I should have faced that failure earlier so that I could have performed better this time! Failure made me better for the next time. Now, I proudly say that I can handle failure and become a better person. With time I stopped calling them failures and started to call them experiences. So, go and taste your piece of experiences that you always decline. Post some of them on your blog.

As a closing note, I wanted to say that all the above took me years to learn, so, do not try to digest it all at once. Take Time!

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A Hole and Whole

I finished my bachelors two years ago.  In my department, it is a custom to bid farewell to every batch that is going to be kicked out of the campus. On this day, our juniors arrange the farewell and organise speeches that thank us for the help we did and wish us good luck for our future.  I wanted to describe this now. Before that I would like to tell exactly what happened an year ago when we were the guys organising the farewell for our seniors.

I had a hole in my trousers(pants) which was about half a centimetre long. It was located a little below my back pocket and no skin was clearly visible when worn. That was a small hole. There is a guy called Surendra who always adored me. On the morning the farewell party is going to take place, he came to me and asked if I could go on the stage and say a few words about our seniors. He and I both know that I didn’t know many of them and the words that I am going to say should be cooked by me as well. When I asked him how much the length of speech should be, he said that it should not be more than three or four lines. I also came to know that Saurabh is also going to speak before I do. I prepared for three or four plain lines and went to the farewell in the evening. The party was going on well till Saurabh was called on to the stage. I will be called upon next. I was getting ready as it wouldn’t be long for him to finish saying his three line speech. Then, he just took a large sheet out of his pocket and started with a funny quote for which every one was laughing while my mind was lost in the length of the paper he took out. The speech went on for a solid 10 minutes and it took me some time to realise that my name was called up few seconds ago. I rose from my seat in a hurry as the silence of the audience added much horror to me. As I rose from the seat, every one heard a cloth rip and it was very clear in that silence. The hole was not small, well, at least now!

The half centimetre was exactly fitting a small nail on the bench I was sitting. The cloth tore in a 2 cm wide strip and I started to move towards the podium covering the strip with one hand trying to pretend that my hands are inside my back pocket which appeared funny to those who knew what happened and rude to those who didn’t. I climbed the podium and my tension was visible not only to the audience but also to me via the expression on the front row. Then, came a speech that was meaningless, disappointing and worst of the most – unprepared. I can clearly see Kishore(my senior) sighing and looking at me like I shouldn’t have done it. My speech was lame. But, in contrast to Saurabh’s, it was nothing less than a disaster. I climbed down, with my hands still in my back pocket. I fled the scene in five minutes and tried to avoid presence everywhere.

Coming to my final year, when we were given the farewell, I was asked by Surendra again to address the gathering on behalf of our batch. I said ‘Yes’ and we both smiled. This time, I didn’t ask him what the length should be, I decided it myself and drafted a nice speech. I made sure that there were neither nails, nor holes anywhere. I went and spoke without a mistake.

When I came down, Surendra was telling me a conversation that happened between Vijay and him while I was delivering the speech. Vijay was telling “See how he was last year. And see how mature he is now”. These words meant more to me than the claps that the audience gave me while I was coming down finishing my speech. I only feel that my failure last year taught me many lessons and made me a better man.

The Author of this post also conducted an event at the College’s Cultural Fest, SpringSpree. He played anchor for the whole event. He also played host for the last get together of the batch that happened and received appreciations for doing it well.

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My Stress Level

Jogging on a bright November morning

Are you stressed out?

No. Not right now.

Some time earlier, the answer would be an ‘Yes’. But, I wouldn’t stop there. I would have yelled at you for asking this and may be hated you. Yes, I would really hate you for asking this question. This particular question creates a conflict between two existing shades(or sides) in me.

One side, which was the most active side in me for the first 22 years of life says that I am super cool and can handle anything. The other side, which had a chance to get heard only in the last two years of my life says that I have been falling under stress and just do not know how to control it. Looking back, I really feel I should have accepted both. I only tried to accept only one of them – that I am cool. Though I believed I am cool all the time, the environment around me felt the exact opposite. I took a while for me to accept the truth – that I was stressed and I didn’t knew how to handle it. I started running.

Yes, I went running on the very next day I accepted that I have been handling stress. My friend said that stress always stays at the joints. I started running and slowly my joints ceased to hold the stress they were handling. If you want to handle stress, I say, run boy! Run!!

P.S. : I know the post took an unexpected turn. But, if you think you are really stressed out, try to go out running for 3 days and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

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Skipped three times

Its just been only 8 days after this blog is born with the purpose of DAILY POST and I have skipped 3 days in a row(4 actually considering my last post which could fit in 2 tweets). There’s already some buzz on daily post asking not to quit this. I regret for what I did, but, I promise to myself that I am going to cover that up by posting extra posts some day.

On Friday, I started from home at 10 AM and returned home on Saturday at 11 PM. Its been a few hours at office, a few at the bar, a few for having slept a little. a few for watching TV, a few for playing games at Big Bazar with Sunny and then one hour for dinner with Sunny and Divya. Its 3 AM, Sunday early hours and getting late. Good Night.

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I am drunk

I was not probably drunk more than I am really now. So, I would really skip this post. Any one in this position might really have done the same. So,  just really excuse me. If you cannot, only GOD can save you!!

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If I Had One Hour in a Time Machine…

Free vintage handwritten letter texture for layers

Probably I will get a little panicked if the time has just started ticking by. But, being a clever human being and that getting this chance is no simple, I would want to do the most profitable thing – change my past!

Every man on this Earth would like to fix something in his past. Because little actions you did earlier affect the time line very dramatically. If I just have one hour time, I will sit down and write on a paper, a few points that I think I could have changed in my life. I wouldn’t write them as my past, but, I will write them as hints and do-not-do-this way. Once finished, I will choose some time during my high-school(around 2003) and hand it over to myself. And the post is never complete with what will be in that paper. Here it goes:

1. Do more mathematics or else you will find some one beating you in a big competition.

2. Read more books or you will find yourself blaming for not doing these things.

3. Do not visit the Internet Cafe. You will find a lot of time to play games later.

4. If you Love some one, tell them in the best way you can. Never ever ask them if they love you before you tell them.

5. On a morning, you will get across a relative on his morning jog. That day, keep track of time and don’t arrive late for your appointment.

6. Start using Linux as soon as possible.

7. Your enjoyment should start only after you get rich, else, you won’t.

8. Do not lose this paper, else…..

I only wish I in the past will follow these guidelines set by me just now.

But, all my attempt will go in vain. I cannot change my fate.

No Man Can.

P.S: This is in response to the question “You get one hour in a time machine. Where to?” at Plinky.

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